Rearrange or change…

Rearrange

Is my life perfect? Hahaha! far from it. I have been alive 50 years now, and I still have so much to learn, to do, to change. Sometimes things get so overwhelming that I feel like I can’t breathe. That’s when I need to either accept it, rearrange it, or change it.

I was in a bad relationship for many years. I can’t say I regret it, since out of that abuse and all those tears, I also had extreme joy and elation with the birth of four of my children. But as with all things, time moves on, and life got rearranged. Changed. I left that bad relationship when my kids were all grown up. It was in this state of rearranging my life that I found my one true love, but this also meant another change. Another of my life’s stable truths being rearranged.

You see, my love lives in the Caribbean. For us to be together meant I’d be leaving everything and everyone I knew behind. I would be leaving all the people I held dear, I loved, and although I didn’t know it at the time, allmost my possessions too, and it was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. Yes, there is Skype, Facebook, email,  snail mail, and the like, but that can’t take the place of a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a kiss on the cheek.

I took the leap of faith, left my world behind, and landed in the arms of the man I would soon call my husband. I didn’t just rearrange my life, I completely changed it. I lost a few precious things, but I gained other, much more valuable things in return. Some priceless things I exchanged were fear for happiness, despair for hope, tears for laughter, and despair for love. I found the person who brought out the best in me, who took my heart and held it gently in his hand and made my soul free.

 

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